Life as an Unemployed.
I lost my job in April 2008. After being a hard working, tax-paying ( maybe not always on time, but I still payed…..and by the way; I promise I’ll get those in by the end of the year….just so that’s on record) citizen since I was 15, I found myself with no job. I can’t say that I was devastated by it. Not at first. To me, it seemed like a vacation. When my CEO mentioned that we could apply for un-employment and that it would hold out for 6 months, I was thrilled.
I was one of those people that had loved my job. And a 45-55 hour work week was not uncommon. And, if we had a lot of work to do, it could push to 60 or even 65. And still I didn’t mind. Like I said; I liked my job. I liked my boss and my co-workers and the atmosphere. I liked it all….except for my CEO.
Now don’t get me wrong. He was a nice enough guy…out side the office. At work, or work related, he was a complete idiot and an even more complete ass. Eventually, he made some wonderful (and by ‘wonderful’ I mean not at all) decisions that ultimately forced my immediate boss to look for a more satisfying position where his hard work would actually be able to pay off.
This left me and my fellow co-worker to man his position and reap the abuses of our CEO. Needless to say, things didn’t fare any better for us.
Our CEO was someone who never learned from mistakes and never thought he was in the wrong. He constantly needed to remind everyone that he owned the company and everyone working for him. And let’s not fail to mention again that he was a bad business man.
He didn’t care to hear market trends or listen to reports on what our vendors and clients responded to. He just wanted things done his way. Eventually, his tactics led the company into a declining slope that, no matter how many hours we put in, we weren’t able to pull put of. (And believe me, we put in some good hours.) His restrictions and creative book keeping were just too much.
After a couple months of going toe to toe with our CEO and fighting for his company, my co-worker followed my old boss out to a better job. I stuck around with the hopes that it may still turn around. But even rats know when to abandon a sinking ship, and soon I was scouting around for something more…stable. I had picked up a bar job last summer for extra cash had been about ready to quit. Now I decided to keep it as a Just-In-Case plan and cut my hours at work in order to put in time for interviews and phone calls. But, for better or worse, the end of my career there came before I found something else.
My CEO had sent out an angry letter earlier in the week alluding to the idea that someone was about to be fired for incompetence. That’s how he made it sound. That was our boss in a nutshell. A man on a power trip who, once a month or every 8 weeks, had to do something to instill fear in the employees to reassure himself that he was The Boss; the Man In Charge.
But this email had a new edge to it. And it really did scare the staff. It scared me. There were about 4 of us tripping over ourselves, convinced that it was going to be them that was about to be fired. I was one of those 4; my position had basically ceased existing 2 months ago. I was the Buyer, but our CEO wasn’t approving any money to be used toward the products, so I had nothing to buy. I had no new brands to bring in or build on the website and I had no inventory to keep track of. So, each day for those few months, I tried desperately to find something, anything, to do. With no position, I was sure I was about to be fired.
Our IT guy was positive it was him. He had applied to another job, on a whim, and he and I had discussed it over IM. Unfortunately, our CEO’s wife was a bit of a snooper, and she had accessed his email and read through all his IM’s and emails. Knowing that they knew he was looking for another position, he was afraid our boss would be insulted and fire him for such an offense. (funny thing is, he would do that)
Two of our customer service girls were also shaking in terror that they would lose their job. To me and my IT guy, it was a problem, but it would be fairly easy to overcome. To the CS girls it would be a lot harder. They lacked a college degree and only had their experience going for them. A loss of their income would be much more traumatic. And, one of them had three young children to support.
IT, was willing to just let it ride. I wanted to fight. I couldn’t fully support myself on a bar job and I needed this income.
I figured if he was letting me go it was because he finally realized that without buying products I was wasting time. So, I reasoned that if I asked to be cut to part time and only hourly pay, that he might allow me to stay on. My thoughts were that half pay was better than no pay at all.
So, for two days, as it all festered in our individual heads, I built an argument in my head. I’d tell him I was going back to school. Yeah, that was it. School. That I had signed up for fall classes at the local colleges and I could only work part time. I knew he was soft on the school kids. He would have to accept that. How could you fire someone who just wanted to get a better education? That would be my best shot. I even contrived a major and a fake class schedule if he asked.
Then finally the day came. I was in at the typical 7:30 am. Our CEO never got in till 9. So, for the next hour I prepped with some of the girls as if I was about to go on the stand. We argued amongst ourselves which would be my best approach. I was scheduled to meet with him first and I had a hot temper sometimes. The girls knew that I wanted to speak first in my meeting, go in and out on my own terms, not His. Yet, they also knew from years of working with his demented mind, that my approach was the worst ever. He always wanted to be in control, hold the power, appear in charge. I wasn’t willing to cede that to him. I wasn’t going to be treated like a dog just so I could keep a low paying job. But I also didn’t want to piss him off to the point where he would just fire me anyway. I still wanted this low paying job.
We went back and forth with our prep for that hour and by the time he finally came in, all our nerves were badly jangled. I was extremely nervous about the confrontation and the girls were terribly worried for me. The showdown was about to begin.
I never had a chance.
I was asked to come in, close the door and sit down. Which is normal. But his demeanor caught me off guard. I hesitated. It was only for an instant but it was long enough for him to start talking. And, then, his tone and body language kept me at bay. He appeared a defeated man. He was soft spoken and calm and…kind. I sat on the couch and listened. It was very basic. ‘There is no easy way to say this’ ‘we aren’t bringing in the money we need to be’ ‘ I have to let 90% of the staff go’ ‘I’d like to say that if the company picks up again we will rehire you but I don’t know what’s going to happen’ ‘ It was good working with you, I think you were a good fit here’ ‘you can file for un-employment, we won’t contest it’ ‘Thank you very much for your time and hard work.’ ….
We shook hands and I walked out.
I shrugged to myself. I had needed to find a new job anyway, I reminded myself. Even though I had loved this one, it was very low pay, no benefits and I found myself actually relying on the bar job for any spending money. This was just the push out of the nest, I told myself. I’d find a job that had benefits, was much closer to my apt and that paid enough so that I could quit the bar job and relax a little. It was really a good thing for me…in the long run
I walked to the other side, where the rest of us worked, into a room with expectant faces, and laughed.
‘Well,” I said cheerfully ‘ I’m gonna go get a drink’
“What happened?”
“ I got let go’
Shock on all their faces. Which, I didn’t understood. We all knew, or at least thought, someone was getting fired and the IT guy and I had been the top candidates. I don’t know why they were so surprised when I walked in and delivered the news. But then they wanted the whole story. So, I passed on what had went down.
I understood their horrified looks after I had told them all that had been said. 90%, they at least figured out, meant the day wasn’t over. More were going to be let go.
If it had gone like we thought it would, one person being fired to make an example, then they all could have relaxed. But as it was, one person had already been tossed and now there was more to come. And 90% meant that it would be more than just one more. Even if the IT guy and I were both let go, there would still be others.
One of the customer service girls, bravely got up and took the short walk over to the CEO’s office only to be sent back almost instantly. She had met with the boss on Monday and he had told her at that point, that she was ‘safe’. Apparently he meant it. He sent her back saying he didn’t need to see her. Send the next person.
I went and sat down at my desk. (Former desk.) I called our IT guy and told him the news. We were still discussing it when my desk phone rang. I picked it up and heard a grief stricken voice on the other end. The second CS girl got the ax as well. But they weren’t taking it so well. Not as well as I had. I could tell over the phone. I hung up my cell phone and walked over to them.
This was the hard deal for me. I was the nutcase of the office. I was always goofy and typically always in a good mood. The days I wasn’t were on the days I had to deal with the CEO. And I was always joking or dancing or making odd little quips. The expected lightheartedness from me. And I delivered. I had gotten fired and was jolly about it. I could fend for myself. But now it was someone else. It was one of my CS girls. I was supposed to take care of them and stand up for them and fight for them. It was my job. But now I couldn’t. In fact, now it wasn’t even my job. I felt fairly helpless when I went back over to them and found a scene was much different then what I had left.
Miss Monday Meeting was in tears and the girls that had gotten fired was shaking like a leaf; her tears just beginning as the shock wore off. Like I said, it was a different scenario for those girls. I sat and tried to joke with them for a bit, and when that didn’t work I tried that empathy/sympathy thing. Didn’t have much reaction one way or the other. They were freaked and I couldn’t help either way. Even trying to convince her that this was a blessing in disguise didn’t work. Poor girl. Another long runner, but the short sprint was gonna be hell for her.
I was still standing trying unsuccessfully to make them feel better when Carol came in followed shortly by our third customer service girl. Unfortunately they didn’t arrive close enough together to save me from relaying the story twice more.
Carol and the third CS both looked at me like I had some fine wisdom to throw at them before their meeting. But I had nothing. I was the last person to try and tell them how to talk to the boss. I had spent the last 4 months avoiding him at all costs.
So, they both went in relying on their own wits. Which wasn’t going to help one way or the other. What was gonna happen was gonna happen no matter what they may have up their sleeves. And if I wasn’t able to do anything, then it was hopeless for them.
The CS girl went first. She came back triumphant. Our CEO deemed her keepeable. Carol was with me. Which was ok with her as well. She was only a part timer. It was no big deal for her. She knew, like I did, that this should have happened months ago, and that there was something else out there. Something better. So, we decided we would go out and get lunch and margaritas, and shots of tequila, to celebrate our unseemly bad/good luck.
We left the CS girls to comfort each other…or at least the one who got fired, and went to clear off our desks and, in my case, run through my computer and get rid of all the useless files that I had; limewire, movie players, pictures of dogs I wanted to buy, pictures I had downloaded to upload to my myspace and or facebook; You know, the random shit that I had found to entertain myself while not working. I asked our IT guy, when he finally got in, if he would reformat my comp. He agreed to, when he got out of his meeting. He would do that and then we could all go get drinks.
I nodded and got back to cleaning the desk, throwing shit in my bookbag that I would need; a my little pony that had adorned my desk since the first month I had been there, a matchbox car that I had bought the other day when I had needed something to amuse myself with, and my ipod wires. The important things. I waited anxiously for our IT to get out of his meeting. I was ready for a drink (or several) and he had been in there a long time now. Was he giving our boss a piece of his mind? Was he talking formidabley about what’s next for the company and what he planned on doing. What was going on in there?
After 20 min of wondering, he came out with a long face, visible disturbed.
“What happened” I asked, concerned, curious as hell.
“I still have a job here” he said solemnly. “I can’t go out drinking with you guys”
I laughed. He had had his heart set on getting fired, having the day off and coming out to get trashed with us. But now he had to stay and work. Poor kid. I wished him the best of luck, grabbed my bag and nodded to Carol, who jumped up. Her and I were about to go have a great afternoon.
We giggled on the way to the bar. It was only 11 am. We were going to be plowed by 1 pm. We doubted there’d be n e one else in there drinking at this hour, and we were right. We grabbed margaritas and a shot of tequila and ordered lunch. I invited a friend up and we continued drinking, even after Carol had left. I went back to my apt and continued the bender till I had to go to work at the bar that night.
It was a long shift that night. Despite the carefree, aloofness from earlier, shit hit the fan that night for me. I was pretty cashed and rather tired and my emotions were therefore not as carefully locked away. I had instances of panic. What was going to happen to me now? I had just lost my main income. The job that kept me an apt and food and my utilities on…not to mention my cable.
I would be fine then suddenly start to break done and have to go hide in the bathroom or outside for a few minutes to compose myself. At one point I went into the restroom and just let the tears come for a few minute. Let my eyes dry out. I had picked up this shift for a girl and now I was really regretting it. I could of used to night to cry it off. I really needed a few good hours to wallow in my own self pity and to whoas me.
And it’s not like I was able to talk to the kids I worked at the bar with. I wasn’t really friends with them. I had maintained a good distance between the bar life and my nine-to-fiver. So, besides a quick flash of a smile and maybe a quick, unconcerned ‘eh, I lost my job today’ to the few I did talk to, I couldn’t lean on any of them. Ha, besides, I wasn’t a leaner. Even with my real friends from home and school that I called to tell the news, I delivered it as if I didn’t really care. As if it really didn’t affect me one way or another. So, a night to cry myself to sleep in the security of my locked bedroom would have been nice. But I didn’t even have that.
This ‘vacation’ wasn’t starting out too well.
