sex

sex can be used as a weapon, as a tool, as a means of making money, for entertainment, excercise, as a game, stress realease, as a form of revenge or a form of blackmail.  It’s a very versatlie act.  yet, you can’t explain that to someone who has never had it before.

My evil friend still has not been laid.  She made a comment about guys still hit on her even tough she is vastly overwieght – but that guys just want a piece of ass.

I told her girls are the same way, but we get to be more picky.  then i joked that maybe she could finally get intimate in Australia when she goes…cozy up to some Aussie man on new years eve, allow a midnight kiss to go waaay too far.

It was lost on her.

Me, when I go, i’m making sure i hook up with a naitve, accent and all.  It’s part of the experience.  Part of the fun. Part of the story when you get home.

That will also be lost on her. Even if she does get tha balls to hook up with a guy – she more likely than not won’t actually go all the way- and two, it’ll be with some guy from the group she is going with, not some hot austrlian man. 

and yeah, i know. I’m picking on her again.  i told you it’s not a healthy friendship.  She’s spat at me too many times that it seems she ahs made an enemy of me. Despite that, i try to help her? 

I really do think it best to just fade out of her life again….

and how did i digress back to her?? I guess it started there huh?

Stipulations, altimatums and out right threats

Thre things you should never be offered by a friend.  I have had a few friends shove one or the other on me – fotunetely, most weren’t god friends and i haven’t talked to them in years.

Unfortunately, one is my Evil Alaska friend.

What brings this up is Australia. I have wanted to go to Australia since I was about 10.  I have talked about it with many people and asked people if they would want to go.  But, you kow, when your 15 it isn’t really that real.

I guess though, two of my friends were fanatical about it.  They asked when i was going , how much did i have saved up and how long i was going to go for.  I had no idea. To this day i have no idea.  Both these friends were so adament abotu the  whole thing that they both said I couldn’t go with out them. 

That was years ago.  One went in college.  The other one – Evil Alaska Friend – is going next week.  

The threats thing though is from Evil Alaska.  A few months ago, she had been visiting and somehow she brought it all up.  I told her for the hundreth time that i had no idea when i could go and that i had other things i wanted to do first that were easier. She got irritated – as she usually does – and spat at me that if i went with out her, we would not be friends anymore.

Knowing how she is – I was perectly OK withthat sacrifice.  If a peaceful, not irritating, fun trip to Australia, free of rants and raves and arguing and her being pissed at me meant that she wouldn’t be my friend…I was ok with that.

But the funny thing is, it doesn’t seem to work both ways.  She can make that threat on me, but when she ends up going with out me, it’s ok?  

I realize I’m not as petty and crazy as those two are/were, but i am tempted to call to attention the time she said that. She’ll deny it. She never ‘remembers’ when she says shit. Like when she shouted at me to ‘Go suck a dick, because that’s what i do.’ in front of me and 4 of my friends, she denied ever saying that. It was and is still a joke among my friends and i and they are shocked she says things like that and i am still friends with her – proving to me that she did say it.

Anyway, i just wonder sometimes where I should draw my lines. I’m pretty damned loyal and i keep people around even when they do act like Evil Alaska.  But should i? And should i remind her what she said?  Just to do it?  She would have gone through with it. Should I?  I mean, it was her threat. Since she is going now, i’ll be going with out her – so does it still satand?

Those three things put a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t do well when threatened, coerced or pushed against a wall with an altimatum.  So, just to get it off my shoulders….figured i’d express those thoughts.

Where’s my Karma??

I had a roommate in Chicago who whole-heartedly believed in karma.  And the pay it forward idea.    My last month out there she had craked up, just about falling to the ground laughing, telling me that i had to have a whole pile of good coming my soon, given that the last few month of my life had been nothing less than Hell.

I’m still waiting.

That’s actually a lie.  Things have been fairly smooth for me out here in CO.  But, I have kept to myself mostly.  I have my idiot friends and all, but other than that, i haven’t taken on anything.  With my history of good deeds turning into good karma for me though, it’s best, i think, to stay fairly nuetral.

Think about…ok, i’ll explan it.  (and maybe because i’m depressed about my bank account being nearly 0 right now, but I woke up in a very blah mood this Am and so i was thinking about it..) 

Let’s start with1.) I rescue a dog from a shelter, and she is nothing but a terror, always needing a close eye kept on lest she eat a child or someone she decides she doesn’t like.  But i’ll give karma a break on that – i adopted a dog because i wanted one.  So, it was half selfish, half good.  maybe they evened each other out there, but i could of at least gotten a nuetral dog out of it, not the beast that i have..

2.) My evil friend.   The one from alaska.  She calls asking me for advice or to vent and i try my best to help in the only ways i can. an, in return, all she ever does is snap and snarl and hate on me.  I go to alaska with her, thinking she will love the adventure and it’ll give her a chance to break out of her little box. Boy did that ever back fire.  This is one where i think karma owes me a few ppoints.

3.)  I may not be the most responsible person with money.  However, i own my debt.  I didn’t go crazy with my credit cards and my fun and default on my student loans and then declare bankruptcy.  I pay the bills when i can.  And i widdle down my debt when i have extar money to do so.  Yet, shit always happens and my money that i’m trying to save always ends up having to go somewhere else – like a vet bill for a beast who chased a rat and got hit by a vab, let’s say.

Idk. I was just thinking today.  It started yesterday. I went to the bank and wrote out a withdrawal for 840.  The teller handed me 850.   I thanked him and walked away and went over to the other counter to get a money order for rent.  I began  to wonder if the guy knew he gave me 850 instead of 840.  it was only a 10 dollar differance.  Maybe it didn’t matter.  and maybe he had adjusted my withdrwal amoutn to match what he gave me…but a bank teller shouldn’t do something like that.  I’m sure they don’t mess around with peoples money in anyway not asked of them. 

So i went back and asked him if he knew he had given me the 850.  He hadn’t known, said with a smile that it was cool that i was honest about it and that therefore i would have an awesome weekend.  I lauhed and told him ‘Yeah right.’

Then the Starbucks lady today.  I literally had 5 dollars for fun for the next 2 weeks – after rent and bills were paid this month.  So, i said fuck it, i was going to go get myself a frappachino from starbucks.  And i did, the total coming out to 3.37 or something.  I had a single dollar bill left.  I looked at it, thinking it could get me a bag of doritos from the vending maching at work when i was starving next week, but i shrugged and stuffed it into the starbucks girl’s tip jar.  She thanked me and said ‘a blessing for you today.’ Whatever that means. 

So, here i am, two good deeds in this weekend, wonder  how much food i have in my cuppards to be creative with until my next pay day.  Maybe it’s wrong to ask Where’s Mine, but, sometimes, i can’t but wonder.

new way to brush

 So, my wingman is 5 months pregnant and naturally hormonally moody.  She told me that it is miserable, but that it did come in handy the other day.  She went off on her husband about the way he brushes his teeth. 

Previous to this conversation, i thought there was only one way to brush your teeth. Apparently not. 

She described the procees to me and naturally, I had to try it. 

Step 1.   fill your mouth with water

step2. put toothpaste on toothbrush and insert into mouth.

step 3. brush your teeth while holding the water in your mouth

step 4. once al the water had flwon out of your mouth, get another mouthfull and continue brushing.

step 5. rinse

I don’t know why anyone would brush their teeth like this – other than for a good laugh. let me tell you how it went…

I filled my mouth with water. That was easy.  Then i put the toothpaste on my toothbrush – also easy.  It was when i tried indserting the toothbrush into my mouth withough losing the water that the troubles started.  I lost half of the toothpast on my lips as i tried quickly jamming the brush through my lips thet were pressed to hold the water.  And, once i started brushing, another issue occurred.

i’m not sure if it’s how you hold the water, or because you are still breathing or just because you are gushing the water around – but some of the now minty fresh water started to come out my nose.  Not comfortable.  So i slowed my brush strokes.

However, you have this tool in your mouth and water seems to be pretty clever.  It found a way to escape by seeping down my toothbrush.  Enough water seeped down my toothbruash that it also started streaming down my arm and dripping off my elbow.

At this point, it was all so ridiculous, that i was holding back laughter – which didn’t halp at all. Water sprayed out of my mouth and onto the mirror, covered the counter and soaked my tank top.    Now, even though atthis point, I was supposed to refill my mouth and continue brushing, i gave up.

My teeth felt thoroughly clean, and my nasal cavity was cold from the cold minty air and i just didn’t think i could do it again with out cracking up and chocking on water.

I would never be able to do that on a daily basis.  It’s so weird.

Castlewood Canyon

Took  my dog hiking yesterday through Castlewood Canyon.  Oretty place. And an easy hike – my puppy had been slowing down lately.   it’s kind of sad.  But anyway, the ranger at the entrance went through the usual; here is your tag, put in it your window, is your dog leashed.  And please stay on the trails.

I half listened. I’ve heard it several times before.  But then he said something that made my ears perk. “You defintately want to keep an eye on your pup.  It’s rattle snake season. Youy don’t want her making any new friends today.”

I looked at him. “rattlesnake season?”  there’s such a thing as rattlesnake season??  Apparently.    And he best part is – i actually got to see one!!

We were driving down to the end of the parking and a car was stopped in front of us.  I puled to a halt and waited.  Then a guy approced my friends window.  “There’s a ratlle snake right there.” he informed us. 

I was excited. I grabbed my friends iphone and jumped out of the car.  he’s a little more level headed and stayed put.  When i got closer i could hear the snakes tail going.  He had crawled under a bush and i just glimpsed his tail disappear as i appraoched.  But you could totally hear him rattling away.

It was cool, but i felt bad.  he was warnign us.  He was probably scared.  So, i didn’t pursue.  i got back in my car and we went hiking.   I want to go back though.  Maybe in the early morning or evening when they may be warming themselves on rocks.  Yeah, i know.  I do push my luck.

break in

An apt on my floor got broken into yesterday. So i was told.  I was out attempting to walk my dog for an hour and i guess that was when the police were asking the other neighbors questions.  I kind of wish i had been aorund for that so i would have some info on it.  What was taken, what time of day, how did it happen.  It’d make me feel better.

The only thing that reassures me is i lock my deadbolt and i have an 80 dog in my apt.  I htink those are pretty good deterrants if you just want to make a wuick snatch and grab.  But i put an extra knife next to my bed last night anyway and kept the balcony shut and locked today. 

This just brings back to mind that i want to get a gun.  i might feel safer with one.  I don’t know.  All the people at work though are big gun people and it makes me think it’d be an ok idea.   I would totally just shoot any suspicious people lurking outside my apt….

“Take that you Mother-  oh!!   Oh no!  I am sooooooo sorry!! I totally forgot I ordered pizza!!   Are you ok??   Want me to – yeah …”   (dials 911)  “Yeah, hi, I need an ambulance…..pizza guy got shot….no, no I have nooooo idea how it happened….”

 Hmmmm. Yeah, maybe I should just stick to getting another dog.

Lack of O2??

After my hike the other day and the inability to walk saturday and sunday (and i’m still hobbling today) I honestly thought i would never want to climb a mountain again.  Never in life. 

But i think this high altitude living is affecting my brain.  Less oxygen is making me a little crazy.  Last night sometime i started wondering if i could do that hike again.  It was an excellent work out. My abs looked great yesterday. I know i burnt enough calories to get me back on track to where I wanted to be.  And continuous climbing like that would tone the hell out of my legs. And body. God, the bodies of the people running it….i want that

Then, this morning, still hurting and all, i decided i wanted to try another 14er.  Maybe not Pike’s Peak and the Barr Trail again. Not yet. But a different one.  And before i could even ask Chantel if she would maybe consider doing a hike with me that only lasted 5 hours total, she had emailed me and said despite what she thought, she kind of wanted to do it again.  So, saturday, for whatever reason, we are going to hike to the summit of Gray’s Mountain.

I don’t understand what happened between the pain and anguish and despair and anger of Saturday to now.  I was told that people become addicted to the mountain climbing much like runners have to run and surfers have to surf.  I wouldn’t have believed it.  But, here I am, two days after hating life and ready to quit, still sore, and yet, all set to go hike another 14er with the Barr Trail in the back of my head.  We will hike to the top of that trail.  I have no doubt in my head now.  At some point, hopefully by the end of this summer, we will re-do that god forsaken trail all the way to the top…but this time, we will get a ride down.

Hey!  Even the marathon runners get carted down.  

I think i have lost my mind….

Bested By a Mountain

I will never do that again.   Ever.  I don’t think.  maybe.  …I might if it gnaws at me enough.

But, really, I don’t understand the appeal these CO people have with climbing 14ers.  I thought itd be fun.  Thought itd be a good little challenge.  Yah, it’s not fun at all!  You hike up a steep incline for 5 hours, and then you hike an even steeper incline for 2-3 hours when you are already exhausted and sore.  And then you have to hike back down.

Most people get rides to eet them at the top.  Maybe you have to have more mountain enthusiatic friends who would be willing to do such a thing.  My Idiot friends laughed at us, said we’d never make it to the top, and then planned a golfing trip, making sure no one forgot the beers.

But they were right.  About yesterday.  Never say never though. especially to me.  I may hike it up all the way one day, if i decide to do something stupid and crazy and NOT fun for a whole day.

We had planned on starting at 4Am, 5 at the latest to get up before the storms started.  we didn’t actually get there till 5:30.  We had to park a mile away from the start of the trail to begin with.  Then, we started out with all our gear.  I had read about hiking the mt and everything it said to bring and prepare for.  So, i had a hiking pack full of stuff and Chantel had a stuffed backpack. 

Apparently that was ridiculous.  As we started toward the trail start, we looked at wheat everyone else was carrying. There were an awful lot of people out for a hike.  Alot of them just had camelback’s filled with water and others had small packs or nothing at all.  Thinking we must be fools, we went back to the car, unlaoded most of our gear and i switched to a msaller pack. 

Then we started out again.  Got the the trail head around 6.  We strolled right by the sign that others were taking pictures at and began our hike with gusto!!   Lesson one came early.  No Energy Drinks before hiking up a massive mt. Even though you may have to wake yourself up at 3 am and may feel exhausted, no coffee or redbull.  I had one on the ride down to keep me up, but that was still in my system as we got going.  As if my heart wouldn’t be pounding hard enough on the hike, it was doubled by that.  My heart was hammering away in my ears within 20 minutes.

And, those first 20 minutes are the hardest anyway.  You start to get out of breath, your legs start to burn, your heart is beatig ridiculously fast and your brain is still alert enough to notice and scream at you that this is stupid, turn around and go get some breakfast with mimosas. 

After that though, your brian starts to concentrate of simple things, breath, step.  That’s about it.  And the fire in your legs subsides.  You get used to the hard breathing and you just listen to the beating of your heart like a rythem to keep you going.  And that is how you continue for 4 hours.  

Unless, you get injured.  An hour and a half in, my right hip started to hurt.  I have a bad ankle and the knees aren’t the best, but i had prepared for that.  I brought my ankle brace and wraps.  but never have my hips hurt like that.  I guess, like any other breeds of the german descent (german shepards, belgian malanoise) i must be prone to hip displaysia.    But not ready to be put down, I ignored it and continued on.  The pain just got worse though. And pain is the body telling (or screaming, in this case) that something is wrong.  you’d be a fool to ignore it.

The marines, however, say pain is weakness leaving the body.  And i have been called worse for less. Usually by tasha for no reason at all.  But I simply adjusted my gait to an awkard swinging stride, mildly complained about every 45 minutes and continued on up until Barr camp.  It was 9:45am when we got there.  We rested for ten minutes and then moved on.

Barr Camp is 7 miles from the trail head, and approximately 5 miles from the top.  we had made it that far, – and in good time, we could easily push to the top. Right?  eh eh.  No.  my hips protested with every step.  With that and the oxygen so low, we had to stop – no, correction, I  had to stop and rest every 5 – 10 minutes.  It was rough going.    And when we passed a sign that we thought read ‘Summit 4.3 miles’ we were excited.  (It actually said 4.8 miles) We trudged on for another 45 minutes looking for the sign that would say ’3 miles.’   It never came. 

At some point i stopped walking to gulp my gatoraide, and i couldn’t start walking again.  Seriously.  My hips just quit.  I couldn’t lift mu leg even a milimeter off the ground to step up.  Fortunately, a few other things happened as well.  Chantel turned around, saw that I was still where i was, and came back down to scowl at me and tell me that next time i have an idea that will involve 12 hours of hiking up a mountain, she’s not coming.  We sat down on a rock and caught our breath and i glanced at the sky.  The clouds were begining to roll in. 

We have afternoon storms out here in the summer.  Violent storms with thunder and hail and lighteneing that often turn to tornados the further east they go.  The mt warns not to go past the tree line if it even looks like a storm. we were due to get one yesterday, as usual.  So we had a discussion.  With my hip and the progress we were making, from that 3 mile sign (that we hadn’t even come to yet) it would prolly take us 3 hours to get to the summit.  Thatd put it at about 2 or or 3.  Prime storm time.  Which wouldn’t be a problem, except we had to climb back down as well.

After a few minutes of resting and breathing and thinking to ourselves how much fun it was  NOT going to be to climb those three miles and get struck by lightening, we decided to turn around.  And thank my god Loki that we did.  We had climbed up for nearly 6 hours.  It took us 4 hours to get down.  And with every switchback or familiar sighting, our heart leapt and we wondered how much longer.  And with every aching step, we  began to wonder whether or not we were going to make it or if our bodies would just shut down.   Finally, right before we gave up on life and sat down to die on the mountain, we came to the end.  Even though it was just about physically impossible at this point, we sped our pace and rushed down the best we could and hurried to the car.

Now, if i think abuout it like a normal person and not myself, 12 miles is marathon length. People train for weeks for marathons. We just decided to do this and went.  No training, no practice. And we did two marathons worth. It’s 12 miles up and 12 back down.  And although you point out that we didn’t go all the way to the top, we got off trail at some point ont the way down and had to back track uphill some more to get back on track.  that was where i was ready to give up.  When you are just trying to make it down hill and have to turn around and climb uphill again, what was left of your spirit, dies.

Needless to say, i can’t hardly walk today.  I can barely make it up the flight of steps to my apt.  My poor puppy looks at me for a walk and i can’t give her one..  I just take her down to pee and haul her back up, leaning on the rail and taking the steps like a decrepid 90 year old woman.  It’s bad.  And for what? to get to the top of a mt??  If i hadn’t wanted the xmas ornaments from up there, i would have had no reason to attempt it. And people out here do others with nothing at top just to do it? 

No. I’m ready for the beaaches of hawaii.  the longer i’m out here the more i’ll fall into this crazy way of thinking.  And, that’s just nuts.  Beaches, please.  Ocean. water.  That’s where i belong.  However, I will give a nod of respect to the mountains now.  They aren’t just pretty to look at. They are a force to be reckoned with.  Don’t underestimate the ocean or the mountains, they can kill you if you do.

mt climber!!

The thing to do out here in CO when the mt’s aren’t covered in snow, is to climb them. I guess.  They even have a cute little nickname for the big ones: the fourteeners -or sometimes just the teeners.  These are the moutains that climb to 14,ooo feet and above.

I decided the other week that i wanted to climb one of these.  Pike’s Peak.  it’s a 12 mile hike and you climb 7000 feet.  When my mom was in town we took the cog rail up and they mention that there is a trail.  I decided I needed to climb it.  Plus, there are these xmas ornaments at the shop up top. I didn’t bring money with me the first time i went up, and i want one of them. well, two. I want one for me and i want to get my mom and her husband one for xmas. 

weird motivation for climbing 7000 feet, i know.  But it usually is the weird thins that get me going. 

i’ve started a list of things i need to throw in my hiking pack for this trek. apparently hiking a mt isn’t to be taken lightly. There are beas and mountain lions to start with. Not to mention altitude sickness.  and the weather can literally kill you when you get near the top and above tree line.  If one of the typical afternoon storms roll in before you get back down, you can get struck by lightening way too easily.  And, if you are sweaty or a light drizzle hit, you can die of hypothermia pretty quick.

I only know this because i was told to read about the hike before doing it.  Good and bad.  You can totally scare yourself out of something if you research too much. But i guess it is good to be prepared.  so, a list i have made.

Now, all i need to do is gather my equip and go…bright and early sat morning.  I’m a little nervous, but mostly excited.  and i hope to god i’m not one of thosejackasses that gets lost or injured or just gets too tired and can’t make it and needs ot be rescued.  watch the denver news.   if a helicopter has been dispatched sat to pike’s peak, that’ll be for me.

Charity Car Wash??

And a charity car wash it was.  LOL.  Last weekend i took Camper (my new car) camping.  He not only made the freeway drive ( a feat Vex, my previous car, seemed to have all kinds of traouble doing) but he also made it up 30 miles of dirt road up a mountain.  It was white knuckle driving and he got a few scrathes and there were some ominous sounding thumps and thuds, but he made it up and down.  (I’ll need to write Ford ans let them know their hardy little Focus made it to a camping spot where the only other vehicles where Toyota trucks..but i’ll so that later)

anyway, my car was a bit of a wreck.  Dirt and mud everywhere. I needed to get him washed but put it off for a week.  Then Sunday while walking Kala to go get my GoFast for the day, i passed a kids highschool carwash.  It was for the band. The sign said they wanted a new tuba.  It seemed like a decent cause.    so i took out 20 dollars from my bank that i could hardly spare and went to get my car washed. 

(it helped that one of the teachers was pretty cute..)

But it was the most disorganized car wash ever.  The front of the car got sprayed down and so did the right side. then someone came over ot wash the left side with a soapy sponge.  someone else came back and sprayed down the front of the car again and rinsed off the left side. 

Then someone sponded down the right side and another person came over to dry off the right side of the car with a towel.  Then a new Dodge charger pulled in and the kids all went to that.  The teacher sent some of them off to other cars again and so a girl picked up a second hose and sprayed down the right side of my car that the kid had just dried off. 

It was chaotic and i couldn’t help but crack up laughing as i watched these kids move here and there and randomly do one thing or another.  i gave them the 20 bucks (the car wash charged nothing, it was donations only) and went back home.

Later that evening i noticed there still seemed to be a layer of duct of Camper’s left side.  I just shook my heaad.  It had been entertaiing and a good cause.  It had to earn some kind of points with Loki.